Article 38708 of alt.security:

STANDARD USENET BONEHEAD REPLY FORM (version 78.7) by Bryan Dreiling
--------------------------
 
 (check all boxes that apply)
 
 Dear:
   [   ] Clueless Newbie        [ X ] Lamer         [   ] Flamer
   [   ] "Me too"-er            [   ] Pervert       [   ] Geek
   [ X ] Spammer                [   ] Racist        [   ] Fed
   [   ] Stereotypical AOLer    [   ] Freak         [ X ] Troller
   [ X ] Fundamentalist         [   ] Satanist      [   ] "Expert"
 
  You Are Being Flamed Because:
  
   [   ] You obviously don't know anything about the topic at hand
   [   ] You are trying to make money on a non-commercial newsgroup
   [ X ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
   [   ] You started a long, stupid thread
   [ X ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread
   [ X ] Your post is absurdly off topic for where you posted it
   [   ] Your lack of understanding of the fundamentals is disgusting
   [   ] You posted a followup to crossposted robot-generated spam
   [   ] You posted a "test" in a discussion group rather than in 
         alt.test
   [   ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
   [ X ] You posted low-IQ flamebait
   [   ] You posted a blatantly obvious troll
   [ X ] You followed up to a blatantly obvious troll
   [   ] You said "X rules, Y sucks" and gave no support for your lame
         statement
   [   ] You said "me too" to something
   [ X ] You make no sense
   [ X ] Your sig/alias/server is dreadful
   [   ] You posted a phone-sex ad
   [   ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme
   [   ] You claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal
   [   ] You are claiming that you know more than Newton, Ohm, Pavlov,
         et. al.
   [   ] Your margin settings (or lack of) make your post unreadable
   [   ] You made a baseless assertion
   [   ] You posted SCREAMING in RANDOM CAPS (OR IN ALL CAPS) for NO

         APPARENT REASON
   [   ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so 
         generally worthless that you are being flamed anyway
 
  To Repent, You Must:
 
   [   ] Refrain from posting until you have a vague idea what you're 
         doing
   [   ] Purchase and *memorize* the Novice Debate Handbook
   [   ] Stop masturbating for a week
   [ X ] Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week
   [   ] Give up your AOL account
   [ X ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
   [   ] Tell your Mommy to up your medication
   [   ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor 
         (monitor must be plugged in)
   [ X ] Actually post something relevant
   [ X ] Read and memorize the FAQ
   [   ] Post to alt.test
   [   ] Print your home phone number in your ads
   [   ] Submit yourself to #debate for immediate and repeated
         kicking
   [   ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
 
 
  In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
 
   [   ] Get a clue
   [   ] Get a life
   [   ] Go away
   [   ] Grow up.
   [   ] Never post again
   [ X ] I pity your dog
   [   ] You need to seek psychiatric help
   [   ] Morons like you give ammo to pro-censorship geeks
   [   ] Yer momma's so fat/stupid/ugly that etc...
   [ X ] Take your gibberish somewhere else
   [   ] Go back to school and actually learn something
   [   ] Learn how to post or get off the usenet
   [   ] All of the above

sincerely,

*********************************************************************
*  Aquiles Luna-Rodriguez         //there is a bg in this line      *
*  Universitaet Hamburg, Germany  //Nobody expects...               *
*  pz4a004@rrz.uni-hamburg.de     //..the Spanish Inquisition!      *
*********************************************************************