Hilary Clinton: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in
another directory.

O.J. Simpson: You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you can't prove it.

Bill Clinton: Suddenly appears from nowhere, promises to upgrade all of your
applications, gains control of your conputer, then totally corrupts your
entire system for eight years.

Pat Buchanan: Your system works fine, but it complains loudly about foreign software.

Politically Correct: Never identifies itself as a "virus", but instead refers to
itself as an "electronuc micro-organism".

Ross Perot: Activates every component in your system, before the whole thing quits.

Colin Powell: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything. Secretely you wish
it would.

Airline Luggage: You're in Los Angeles, but your data winds up in Dallas.

Paul Revere: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of
impending hard-disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice, if by C.

Government Economist: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says
everything is fine.

Federal Bureaucrat: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each
of which does  practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most
important part.

Gallup: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent of their data 14
percent of the time (+/-3.5 percent margin of error).

Texas: Makes sure that it is bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional: The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half with the same
message appearing on each side of the screen. The message says that the other side
caused the gridlock.

Freudian: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs, only to
resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Nike: Just does it.

Kevorkian: Destroys your files, wipes your hard drive, and calls it an "act of mercy".

Star Trek: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
