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     Klingon Software Quality Assurance             Related Stories

     The top 12 things likely to be overheard if
     you had Klingon programmers working for you:

     12) Specifications are for the weak and        How it rated
     timid!!
                                                        Our survey
     11) This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need            said: 8/10
     dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle      (773 people)
     with this code.

     10) You cannot really apprecaite Dilbert       What did you think?
     unless you've read it in the original
     Klingon.                                        out of 10.

     9) Indentation?! I will show you how to
     indent when I indent your skull!

     8) What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons
     do not make software 'releases'. Our
     software escapes, leaving a bloody trail of
     designers and quality assurance people in
     its wake!

     7) Klingon function calls do not have
     "parameters" - they have "arguments"- and
     they ALWAYS WIN THEM

     6) Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our
     software does not coddle the weak.

     5) I have challenged the entire Quality
     Assurance team to a Bat-Leh contest! They
     will not concern us again.

     4) A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment
     his code.

     3) By filing this bug report you have
     challenged the honor of my family. Prepare
     to die!

     2) You question the worthiness of my code? I
     should kill you where you stand!

     1) Our users will know fear and cower before
     our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them
     flee like the dogs they are!

     Posted on Thu 28 Oct 06:40:21 1999 PDT
     Written by Martib Hepworth <maxsec@usa.net>


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