%%
%COOKIE-F-NOSAYING, You lose.
%%
11-XAV eht edisni deppart ma I !pleH
%%
A man walked into a haberdashery and said to the owner,
"Did you just see me come in?"
The owner replied,
"Yes, sir, I did."
"Ahhhh!" the man said. "Have you ever seen me before?"
The owner was puzzled. "No sir, never in my life."
"Ah Hah!" the man exclaimed. "Then how did you know it was me?"
%%
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they
escaped teething.
%%
All wars are ironic because all wars are worse than expected.
%%
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
%%
April 1.  This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the
other three hundred and sixty-four.
%%
As the axe entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us."
%%
Benedict's Principle (formerly Murphy's Ninth Corollary):
    Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
%%
Be affectionate to one who adores you.
%%
Be patient with those who are slower than you, for they make you look better.
%%
Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is
but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise
man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET."
%%
Beware of low-flying rocks.
%%
Boob's Law: (from MURPHY'S LAW):
    You always find something the last place you look.
%%
Coit-Murphy's Statement On The Power Of Negative Thinking:
    It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
%%
Courage is your greatest present fault.
%%
Depend not on fortune, but on conduct.
%%
Don't count your bridges before you burn them.
%%
Evans' And Bjorn's Law:
    No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.
%%
Every person is an individual; we all have a set of designer genes.
%%
Experience is directly proportional to computer time wasted.
%%
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
%%
Farnsdick's Corollary To The Fifth Corollary:
    After things have goe from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
%%
Ferguson's Precept:
    A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
%%
Fewer things are harder to put up with that the annoyance of a
good example.
%%
"Fie!" he said, surveying the carnage about him. "Someone must have left
the bathroom light on again; don't they know the landlord gets UPSET?!"
He sighed and went into the kitchen for a garbage bag. "Y'know," he mused
as he put the dismembered limbs into the bag, "if this apartment weren't in
such a good location, I'd move out." He sighed again and shook his head.
"This is the third time that this has happened THIS MONTH!" He made a
mental note to place another want ad for roommates in the paper.
%%
First Postulate Of Iso-Murphism:
    Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
%%
Flugg's Law:
    When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world's composed of
    aluminum and vinyl.
%%
Garfle, ni belquont; delberpho wifniel!
%%
Gattuso's Extension Of Murphy's Law:
    Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
%%
Grossman's Misquote Of H. L. Mencken:
    Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
%%
Have you ever felt that all the world's a stage and you are the only one in
the audience?
%%
Having children is hereditary:
    If your parents didn't have any, then you probably won't either.
%%
He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it inspiring the
cabbages.
%%
He thinks he could easily win your heart.
%%
He would always rush in where fools fear to tread.
%%
Hellrung's Law:
    If you wait, it will go away.

Shavelson's Extension:
    . . . having done it's damage.

Grelb's Addition:
    If it was bad, it'll be back.
%%
I don't want to die at 40.
					-- J. Lennon
%%
I realize that there are many people in this world who do not love their
fellow human beings, and I hate people like that!
%%
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.
					-- B. Russell
%%
If the shoe fits, try wearing it on the other foot;
That's bound to make you feel better.
%%
If you don't try new solutions, then you can expect new evils.
%%
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
%%
In a single day, Samson slew a thousand Philistines with the jawbone of an ass.
Every day, thousands of sales are killed with the same weapon.
%%
In any national struggle, the deciding factor is not who is the most
competant, but who is less incompetant.
%%
It takes a modem to run a baudy house.
%%
It were not best that we should all think alike; it is the difference
of opinion that makes horse races.
%%
It's hard to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.
%%
I'm sure that if there were a death penalty more people would be alive
today.
					-- N. Reagan
%%
Imbesi's Law Of The Conservation Of Filth:
    In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.

Freeman's Extension:
    ...but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.
%%
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
%%
I'm in charge here.
					-- Al Haig
%%
Indirect file nested too deep.
%%
It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules our lives.
%%
It is better to vote for someone you like and have them not elected than to
vote for someone you dislike and have them elected.
%%
July 4.  Statistics show that we loose more fools on this day than in all the
other days of the year put together.  This proves, by the number left in stock,
that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
%%
Know when to quit.
%%
Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
%%
Law Of Revelation:
    The hidden flaw always remains hidden.
%%
Law Of The Search:
    The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to
    find it.
%%
Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, but when was
the last time you saw one of those?
%%
Lynch's Law:
    When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
%%
Let a fool hold his tongue and the fool will pass for a sage.
%%
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will
be sorry.
%%
Love is in the offing.
%%
Maryann's Law:
    You can always find what you're not looking for.
%%
Murphy's Saving Grace:
    The worst is the enemy of the bad.
%%
Money cannot buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while
you're being miserable.
%%
Neither a burrower nor a lentil bee.
					-- Wm. Snakespeare
%%
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
%%
October.  This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in
stocks is.  The others are July, January, September, April, November, May,
March, June, December, August, and February.
%%
Once is an accident, twice is coincidence, thrice is enemy action.
%%
One is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
%%
One of the most striking defferences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has
only nine lives.
%%
One who lives in a wine cellar rarely sees the light of day.
%%
One who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
%%
One who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
%%
One who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
%%
Polite conversation is seldom either.
%%
Q.  Can you use a vacuum cleaner on your dog?
A.  Yes, but it is generally better to take it for a walk.
%%
Read me!

Read me and judge if you understand!
So you stopped in your journey because I called, scenting something unusual,
something droll. Thus, although I am nothing, and even less, there is no one
that sees me but lingers here.
Stranger, I am a law of the universe.
Stranger, render the law what is due the law!
%%
Retirement should be based on the tread, not the mileage.
%%
Rune's Rule:
    If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
%%
Scnatterly's Summing Up Of The Corollaries:
    If anything can't go wrong, it will.
%%
Silverman's Paradox:
    If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
%%
She was only the stableman's daughter, but all the horsemen knew her.
%%
She was the sort of person whose personality would be greatly improved by a
terminal illness.
%%
Spilling your guts out is just as charming as it sounds.
%%
Style may not be the answer, but at least it's a workable alternative.
%%
Take time to travel; your troubles will unravel.
%%
The Cardinal Conundrum:
    An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A
    pessimist fears this is true.
%%
The Extended Murphy's Law:
    If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible
    sequence.
%%
The first two days of vacation are endless, then it flies.
%%
The only thing that endures is change.
%%
The Theorem Theorem:
    If if, then then.
%%
The three most puzzling questions are:
    1. Why are we born?
    2. Why do we die?
    3. Why do we spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?
%%
The Unapplicable Law:
    Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
%%
The VAX was developed by DEC.
Detractors assert it's a wreck.
Perkin-Elmer and Prime
Are still biding their time,
Hoping someone will buy from them yet.
%%
Take time to develop your personality.
%%
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and
enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to
lend money.
%%
The most dangerous person in the world is an idealogue with a machine gun.
%%
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
%%
The only way to be good at everything you do is to only do the things
you are good at.
%%
There are no rules of architcture for castles in the sky.
%%
There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a
rising scale of compliment: (1) - to tell him you have read one of his books;
(2) - to tell him you have read all of his books; (3) - to ask him to let you
read the manuscript of his forthcoming book.  No. 1 admits you to his respect;
No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.
%%
Those who can't teach administrate.
%%
Those who can't teach consult.
%%
Those who can't teach, teach gym.
%%
To err is human, but when the eraser wears out before the pencil, you're
overdoing it a little.
%%
To laugh at people of sense is the privilege of fools.
%%
Today is your lucky day.
%%
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is
nothing but cabbage with a college education.
%%
Try to develop your own personality.
%%
Ubi, O, ubi est meam sub ubi?
					-- Vergil
%%
VAXEN [from 'oxen,' perhaps influenced by 'vixen.'] n. pl.
    The plural of VAX.
%%
Vidi, vici, veni!
					-- Don Juan
%%
Wad some power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us.
%%
War is its own punishment.
%%
We start out loving our parents and end up hating them. Sometimes we
learn to love them again, but we never forgive them.
%%
Wear-Out Bits: n. A hypothetical (and sought after) mechanism by which
software houses could charge for software preventive maintenence, and thus
make a fortune. The idea is that some instructions in the machine would
become softwarily unreliable after N executions. However, having sofware
specialists come over to a shop and 'brush the wear-out bits' every so often
would prevent this from happening.
%%
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
%%
When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have
gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.
%%
When you get killed you lose an important part of your life.
					-- B. Shields
%%
Wise words in the mouths of fools oft belie.
%%
You are about to make a most valuable discovery.
%%
You can depend on nothing, you see?
%%
You need to acquire a little subtlety.
%%
Your future looks bright.
%%
Your present plans will be successful.
%%
Your slogan here.
%%
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinment.
%%

